I’ve received a tremendous amount of support from my friends, family, and even strangers on this fitness journey I’ve embarked on. It really has blown my mind. It feels great to be able to inspire others. I feel good on the inside/out…truly just beaming! I have never felt so great about myself – which is HUGE! I’m the healthiest and strongest I’ve EVER been. I’ve managed to stay pretty positive throughout this process so far…so – where does the venting begin? HERE.
This is HARD. It is the hardest thing I’ve ever tried to do and it really hasn’t even begun. Yes, I’m following a diet and a hard core workout plan. BUT – it all boils down to the big ticket items…like my poise, muscle tone, stage presence, CONFIDENCE, among many other things on the day of the big show! I am a head case! I’ve had to rely on my trainer, Aundrea Annin , to bring me back down to Earth when I go off on one of my tangents about “Should I be working out more?!” “Should I go running?” “I need to burn more fat…it’s not coming off fast enough” “This diet SUCKS” “I can’t eat this much!” “My boobs are too small for a bikini show” and then it just snowballs….downward spiral. She’s been able to somehow keep me pretty grounded. With her support, and the rest of the girls that I’m training with (they are all doing shows as well), I’ve managed to somehow break through these negative thoughts and remember why I am doing this and STAY POSITIVE.
Along with all the support I’ve received, I hate to say it – but I feel like I have an audience that is also waiting for me to fail. Is this all in my head because I’m so hard on myself? Maybe. BUT – let me tell you something about myself. I do not attempt to do things unless I KNOW that I am going to give 100% of everything I have. I do not half-ass shit. Excuse the language…but that’s not me. It never has been. I’m usually very modest – however a special someone told me it’s ok to be cocky sometimes (you know who you are!) I FULLY plan on bringing my absolute, very best that I have to that stage come May 25th. This requires working my ASS off 5 days a week from now until then, sticking to a diet that I absolutely can’t stand for the next 4 and a half months, and working daily on this positive, confident attitude that I am fine tuning. This is not easy work. Any athlete knows that with taking on such big physical challenges comes a highly mentally challenging aspect that hits you pretty hard. I can do the workouts, I can do the diet….but can I stay positive, confident, and happy? I think so. My mind has never been stronger…which only further drives my point that I am going to own that stage on the day of my show. For me. J
I check in with my Nutrition buddy at Elite, J.R., to see where I’m at for body fat and muscle on Monday! I’m hoping that the flu and sickness I was battling over the week hasn’t negatively affected my progress! Results to come… Thanks for all the love and support, everyone!